would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
