My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
