If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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