Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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