I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
