what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
