I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
