he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
