Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
