Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
