Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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