Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
