omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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