They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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