I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
