So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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