I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
