I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
