hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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