when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
