I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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