dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize