did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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