I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize