My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
