Porn is love you can see.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
