Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
