I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she looked like the before picture.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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