dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
