Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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