That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
