Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
