is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
