Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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