We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
