Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
