Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
