we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
sarcasm needs its own font
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
