What did we do last night that was yellow?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
