I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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