He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
