Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
