The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize