So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
