i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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