well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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