Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
