...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
