Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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