I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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