dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
