she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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