Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
