Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
