im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
