He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
