i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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