Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
