sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
