boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
