do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize