even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
