hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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