hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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