The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize