So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize