I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
