There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize