im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
