ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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