no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
