I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
