Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
