I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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