I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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