Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
