were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
