My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize