You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
