You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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