dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
