I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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